Congress giving a standing ovation to send $45 Billion to Israel
After days upon days of gridlock and stalemate, the House of Representatives has elected on an unusual method to choose a new Speaker: a vote by applause. Other ideas had been floated around, like flipping a coin, rock paper scissors, or an arm wrestling match, suggested by Markwayne Mullin. But in the end, it was ultimately decided that the House should just ask the audience. Representative Shri Thanedar took the stand, waving his hands in the air to hype up the crowd. "Okay, if you think Jim Jordan should be speaker, let me hear it!" An uncountable mass of Republicans cheered for their preferred candidate. "Oh, come on, that's all you got? Like you really mean it this ti-" Protests erupted from the Democrats as Thanedar tried to call an unapproved recount. "Fine. That's pretty good for Jordan. Now, if you think Hakeem Jeffries should be Speaker, make some noise!" A similar, maybe slightly louder level of applause came from the House floor, but honestly it was hard to tell. "Alright this isn't working either." The House moved to adjourn, with some suggesting they should ask the Supreme Court to judge the winner in a NYC style roast battle, hosted by Luis J. Gomez. Will that idea take shape? Will we ever get a new speaker? All that and more, tomorrow.
Dmitri Pivovich, Kalkaska Chronicle
