Muskegon, 2021
In an astounding win for Michigan’s upper peninsula, Gallup’s annual “Biggest Shithole In Michigan” poll saw Michiganders appear to have changed their minds about which part of the state they wish had stayed in native American hands. Reigning “Biggest Shithole in Michigan” champ and meth capital of the Great Lakes region, Sault Ste. Marie, was dethroned only by a razor-thin margin, as polled Michiganders weighed whether they’d rather live in a postindustrial midwestern town riddled with crime and devoid of all hope, or the U.P. With 14.4% of respondents indicating that, if given the choice, they would live in Sault Ste. Marie and only 13.8% indicating they’d choose Muskegon, a record 71.8% of respondents indicated that they would opt to kill themselves before moving to either town, beating out the previous record set in 2021 between Sault Ste. Marie and Jackson (69.4%). Despite losing the runoff poll to Michigan’s newest flagship shithole, local leaders in Sault Ste. Marie appear to show every intention of reclaiming the title, however as perennial dark horse of the “Biggest Shithole in Michigan” poll, Howell, continues to decrease its share of the vote year-over-year (16.1% in 2022, down from 19.9% in 2021), the run-up to 2023’s poll is shaping up to be the most competitive since Detroit beat out Grand Rapids and Jackson in the 1990 battle of the heavyweights.
Noam Kikelstein-Yidmann, Kalkaska Chronicle
