Last year's Cinco De Mayo protest parade. Turnout will likely never be as big, but we pray.
Hail Kalkaska! Hail Victory! God is great today, as Johnny Hodges, an exceptionally gifted student from Kalkaska Elementary has finally discovered the secret to fixing our website's thumbnails. Before, Satan had cursed this newspaper. We could only display our beautiful iconography locally on the website. Links to our articles were intercepted by the Devil and mutilated, only the text would survive. No souls on Reddit could view the image from each article, dropping viewership rate. This was of course, unacceptable, but for much time the domain of Satan found its home on Earth. It was our understanding that we must pray each night for the return of our images, and our prayer, in conjunction with the 5th grade Kalkaska computer science class, has finally solved the problem. A parade will be held downtown in honor of this triumph, with all Kalkaska residents invited. Fun and games will be made ready for all, and Kalkaska cheer will be on the faces of every individual. The parade will begin at the church, symbolizing our divine origins, will snake throughout both streets downtown, winding around the elementary school, stopping at the bar (lemonade is available for those under 21), and finally ending in front of the Andrew Tate statue, where we will join together in prayer. Hail Kalkaska! Hail Victory! Go Battlers!
Bernice Brewster, Kalkaska Chronicle
