Promotional image for the movie, set to hit theaters in late October
Disney announced another sequel film this weekend, set to hit theaters in late October. After buying the rights to Bram Stoker and F.W. Murnau's entire catalogue of intellectual property, the media conglomerate declared it would reboot an old classic. Get ready for NosferaTWO everybody. The famed vampire will be played by Jack Harlow, and a musical number about "blood being the new lean" will feature Lil Wayne. NosferaTWO will be LGBTQ+ positive as well, with a scene of Harlow sucking the period blood of a they/them pussy, and noting how it "just hits different". Astonishingly, NosferaTWO has secured a G rating, through technicalities and bribery of the MPAA. That's right folks, this is what passes for a movie nowadays. And your kids? Oh, your kids will be watching it. They'll be front row, watching Jack Harlow "rizz up" everybody on screen.
Eduardo Lopez, Kalkaska Chronicle
