12 disgusting pigs
Okay, we all know that Hollywood has a diversity problem. In recent years, steps have been made to include minority groups like African Americans and Chinese people, with movies like Black Panther and Crazy Rich Asians. But still, aside from Native Americans, Latinos, and Muslims, there is one glaringly obvious and important group that does not have its own representation in Hollywood. The group I’m talking about is obviously white women. Koreans have Squid Game. Mexicans have Narcos. Jews have Seinfeld. What do white women have? Nothing. Absolutely Nothing. We took Ghost in the Shell from Chinese people, but that’s basically a cartoon, so it doesn’t count. I want a real movie, one filled with the raw emotion and biting social commentary that only someone who looks exactly like me can provide. I want justice. So without further ado, here are the top 5 movies I thought of that would be better if they were starring white women. 1. 12 Angry Men, Rebranded to 12 Brave Women (if you want to get a job done, ask a woman. We would have gotten a guilty verdict without all that arguing). 2. 12 years a Slave to the patriarchy Realistically this movie should be called Forever a Slave cause my God misogyny is rampant nowadays. But that would be too long of a movie. 3. Ghost in the Shell Just to remind everyone we can take whatever we want again. Girl boss energy. 4. Taxi Driver To prove that women can drive. We need more empowering movies like this one that men have all for themselves. 5. Mean Girls It’s just such a good movie I want it to be remade. 5. Amadeus But maybe it’s about Taylor Swift instead so the music can be relatable. 5.Boyhood Girls can have boyhoods too. 5. My dinner with Andrea Can’t you imagine how much better the vibes would have been if it were two girls talking about their lives than the boring old white guys we actually got? Men don't know how to talk, or write, (they especially can't write female characters without turning them into a fucking gross stereotype). My Dinner With Andre is possibly the worst movie ever made, but I think even it could be saved by white women. 5. A lot of other movies I haven’t mentioned. Pretty much every movie would be improved with girl power. From Zoolander to Schindler’s List, we rule the world. There’s literally nothing men make that is worthy of value. The only thing that matters is people that look and think exactly like me. If you enjoyed this article, please subscribe to my Twitter where I post all my thoughts like this daily, and if you want to make donations my PayPal, Venmo, CashApp, and Chase Bank Account routing number are also available on my social media. I am a struggling journalist/artist/ukulele player that would really love to feel supported in a world that is constantly putting women down. You should really consider it, if you want to dismantle the patriarchy. Anyways, that’s all, bye for now!
Fiona Harmony-Baker, Kalkaska Chronicle
