These things going to the moon boys
Penny stocks have soared this past week following the influx of retail investors into more obscure markets. A mass of investors have pumped large amounts of cash into penny stocks, causing the coin to skyrocket in value. The penny, once a near worthless hunk of metal, has as of this morning surpassed the U.S dollar in value, and is on track to break even with the Euro by the afternoon. The Chronicle spoke with former federal reserve chair Alan Greenspan regarding the issue, who gave his best take on the causes and effects of this new market phenomenon. “I’ve traded all my dollars in for pennies already,” said Greenspan, “And I advise anyone reading your magazine to do the same. I always said the penny was going to be big one day back when I was working at the Fed. It was only a matter of time” Others were not so optimistic. “It’s just a f--cking penny” wrote an anonymous user on Kalkaska message boards. “That’s not how penny stocks work” wrote another. Greenspan quickly countered, stating that that is indeed how penny stocks work. “That guy wouldn’t last a day at the Fed.” Greenspan told The Kalkaska Chronicle when shown the anonymous comments. Current Fed chair Jerome Powell could not be reached for an interview, presumably he was busy trading in all his assets for pennies, and could not make it to the phone. Update: Current Fed Chair Jerome Powell has announced that the U.S. will be halting the production of all new pennies in an attempt to drive the price down. As supply goes down, argues Powell, so will demand. “It’s just basic economics”, declared Powell.
Eduardo Lopez, Kalkaska Chronicle
