Governor Kevin Stitt staring vacantly into the distant after signing House Bill 1776, reverting to a priomdial state of being
Overlooked news this week, as Governor Kevin Stitt of Oklahoma has listened to his state's pleas for the banning of higher education, social awareness, and just generally being informed about anything. Ignorance is bliss, and knowing what either of those words mean is now a criminal offense. A long standing Oklahoma tradition will now be the law of the land. House Bill 1776 was signed by the Governor on Sunday, smiling as he did so. It was the end of a long battle, and one that Sooners all around were happy to put to rest. The bill, its original form proposed during the Obama administration, sought to place a ban on all institutions of higher learning, such as Colleges, Universities, Public Libraries, and even the website for NPR. Amendments then went further to state those institutions would all be torn down, and replaced with the Confederate Statues that other states had gotten rid of. However, the political climate in 2008 to 2016 made these demands tricky to pass. Everyone was all about inclusion and learning about other cultures and all kinds of dumb socialist crap like that. Politicians bickered over details of the bill, and it was tabled and reintroduced many times over. Today, the Bill is quite comprehensive, with provisions to ban all institutions of education, as well as "just learning stuff in general", and "knowing things you ain't supposed ta, that ain't right". Other phrases in the bill go into explicit detail, with personal beliefs and queries expressed openly, Congressmen so filled with emotion they may have forgotten what exactly they were supposed to be writing about in the bill. "If it ain't taught in Church my kids don't need ta hear it", "my daughter ain't gay she just likes workin on the car", and "why can't I just shoot the damn tornado with my AR?" While Oklahoma Democrats (yes the vermin exist even in Oklahoma) were initially opposed to the bill, the inclusion of also banning critical thinking for minorities and women led them to eventually agree, and House Bill 1776 passed with bipartisan approval. Oklahomans will now be shot dead in the street if they display knowledge of history, politics, science, the environment, social issues, or anything really aside from football and beer. (Anyone with TOO much knowledge of those will also be killed though for being gay and annoying). The passing of House Bill 1776 comes straight off the heels of House Bill 1775, banning walking, mandating everyone drive everywhere all the time, and giving the biggest truck on the road the right of way at all times, even on the sidewalk.
Bernice Brewer, Kalkaska Chronicle
