Kevin Merlau, pictured Thursday posing with his new purchase, a used Pfeifer-Zeliska .600 Nitro Express Revolver
So I heard the Democrats were going to try and take away more guns, because they're trying to make this country a socialist dictatorship like Norway or Germany. And I'm thinking, okay, well if I buy the gun now, then when they come to take it away, I'll be the one with the gun, so what are they gonna do then? How are you gonna take it away, a gun magnet? Guess what dumbass, those don't exist. But guns do, and I'd have one. I was pretty confident, so I went to the store and got this new handgun. I don't know how it works, but God Damn this shit is so fucking gangster. I was practicing whipping it out like one of those cowboy movies where the main guy shoots like 6 bad dudes at once. They kept talking about keeping 'the safety' on at the store, and I was like yeah, I agree, this gun will keep me all the safety I need, on or off. Honestly, I'm just looking at it now while I write this article for my shitty day job in Kalkaska. It's so cool. It's just sitting on my desk next to my laptop. I want to hold it again. Hold on, one second, I'm gonna do it. Okay, typing one handed now, cause I'm holding my gun, so I'll be a little slower writing this for you guys. If you're a fast reader I'll try to catch up. Wow. This gun is so cool. I feel like such a badass. If I got good enough at using this gun, think about it, I wouldn't have to write anymore. I could just shoot my gun all the time, and get paid for it. To be honest with you guys, I've never actually used it before. I think bullets are supposed to come out of this hole at the end, but I don't see any in there. Hold on, let me take a look. Wow, it's really hard to see down this hole. I might need a flashlight. Actually, wait, I think they put a lightswitch on the handle of this gun. That is so fucking cool. Okay, I'm gonna turn it on as I look down the barrel of the gun. I'll let you guys know what I see fd csaaOIKT5KI7LOKIUY769735jilkg2=======================================================================================
Kevin Merlau, Kalkaska Chronicle
