some indian guy idk
So I was talking with my sister Casey over zoom this weekend, and she was like, "Oh yeah, I'm moving to Arizona soon, I like met this guy and he's really cute and I think we're gonna move in together or something?" First of all, shout out Casey, love ya bitch. Ugh, so cute. So jealous. But anyways, I was totally just happy for her and like, just yeah... so I was like, "OMG babes, that is so cute, what's his name?" And Casey hits me back and goes, "John, he's from Arizona, yeah... he's going to take me out to the reservation there to meet his family." Typical Casey, she always skips telling me any context. What did they have a reservation too? Like, T-Swift, Phoebe Bridgers, what are we talking about here? LOL. "No, I mean like, he's from the reservation." Bitch, how can somebody be from a reservation? You're not FROM Arby's, even though your fat ass goes there for dinner every Friday. "Lexi, he was born on a Native American reservation in Arizona." Yeah, so he's American like the rest of us. "No, he's not white." So I'm like oooh spicy, I didn't know you were into black guys, Casey. I get why you're moving for him, I see what you're into girl, LMAO. "He's not black, Lexi. Not everyone that's not white is black." Yeah, I know that. I just didn't think she'd be fucking a Mexican. Like, what the fuck? The people that do our gardening? What is he, like 4 foot 3? LOL OH MY GOD. "No Lexi, okay, how do I explain this? Remember when we went to college and had that professor that you tried to get fired for not letting you facetime your ex during class?" Oh my God, she's dating Mr. Garfield? I'm actually going to fucking throw up. What is he, like 84? But yes, I remembered him. It was wrong what he did to me, and I'm glad administration talked to him, I just wish he had a bigger paycut. "He was 40, Lexi. And that's not the point. You remember how he was like, brown, but not Mexican?" I'm like, I don't know where she's going with this, right? "John is like Mr. Garfield. He's Native American. He's Navajo, to be specific." Like anybody would be, I was flabbergasted. They... they still exist? I thought they were like, all gone or something. Like Wooley Mammoths, or Vine. No, it turns out Native Americans actually still exist, and they have these free sections of land where they can basically do whatever they want. The laws aren't the same as the US, so you could probably just do anything with no consequences. So I'm like, I want in, right? If there's a reservation in Manhattan, I'm absolutely going to try and join. But nooooo.... of course these silly Native Americans put their secret reservations out in the middle of fucking nowhere, like Arizona, or some dumbass hill in North Dakota. They should have put a reservation in Miami, then people might remember that Native Americans exist, LMAO. So anyways, the call dropped at that point, (jk I hung up on that bitch), but I couldn't help thinking about what Casey had said. I didn't do it very long, but I thought I'd share it with y'all here today, so you could be a little more educated on the topic. It turns out, Native Americans are real, and you can fuck them, (if you're a fat bitch like my sister). Ugh, love you Casey. Shout out again.
Lexi Morgan, Kalkaska Chronicle
