GARY, INDIANA DECLARED TEMPORARY HOLY LAND UNTIL GAZA SITUATION SORTED OUT

Dave Davis                       Dec. 15, 2023

 

No this isn't a neighborhood in Gaza. That's right, it's Gary, Indiana!

Pope Francis declared this morning that amid constant fighting in Israel, the title of "Holy Land" would be moved to Gary, Indiana until peace could be found in the Middle East. "Gary, Indiana was the closest thing we could find to the West Bank. Only a land of God could sustain this much poverty and depression in one place with people still insisting on living there. It's like the Sahara desert, or Iraq in 2003, or Vietnam in the 60s, but in America right now." - The Pope The Catholic Church stated that while other sites were considered for the interim title, New York was too dirty, and Detroit was actually starting to be on the come up, which didn't correlate well with Palestine. "When I think of a city that reminds me of the history of the Jewish people, it's Gary, Indiana." The Pope has also warned Israel that if they do not clean up their act, the Jews will no longer be considered the chosen people, and that residents of Gary, Indiana, will hold that title as well. "Think about what good it would do. Garyites would finally have something to live for. No, it's not jobs or a functioning economy, and- no it's not healthcare either. It's something better. It's hope." When told of the news, most Gary, Indiana residents simply rolled up the tinted windows to their cars and drove off with fear in their eyes, even when we insisted we weren't the police.

Dave Davis, Kalkaska Chronicle

Our Instagram:

New articles every day!