Henry Kissinger, visibly upset at the sound of a child's laughter
Henry Kissinger passed away yesterday at the age of 100. How the former diplomat and Secretary of State managed to live so long remained a mystery for many. His final journal entry sheds light on how he was finally able to rest in peace. "November 29, 2023- I have accomplished many things in my life..." wrote Kissinger, "...from Cambodia, to East Timor, to Chile, we had a good 10 decades, didn't we, old pal?" (sources state Kissinger was looking in the mirror while writing). "Yes, hehe. I think we did. It's the sort of thing that gave me purpose. And since I've been out of office, I've lost it. I lacked the drive to get up in the morning and order the indiscriminate bombing of a country in Indochina, the sound of children screaming in agony over a landline phone held up by the director of the CIA. I've missed it. I've really missed it." "Sure, we were drone striking Arabs in the Middle East, funding paramilitary groups and destabilizing democratic countries. But it just didn't have that 'umph' to it, that human aspect. Where were the dead kids? Where were the screaming orphans? What the hell is the point of war if there's rules? All that matters is results." Sources state Kissinger paused for a moment, shedding a single tear. "As long as there was peace in this world, I couldn't let myself go. But today... today, I can finally rest. Finally, the world is on the brink of destruction. Knowing that innocent children are dying in Israel, Gaza, Congo, and Detroit. It warms my heart. It really does. These carpet bombed shitholes are just the beginning. They tell me that World War 3 is on the horizon." Kissinger turned the page, wrapping up his final remarks to the world. "I couldn't die yet, because ultimately, I didn't want to die alone. I mean like literally, I wanted everyone else to die with me, preferably in a nuclear holocaust. That nuclear holocaust is now an inevitability, and so I go to my grave with a smile on my face. My only regret is that I will not be able to hear their little screams." And with that, Kissinger clung tightly to his Nobel Peace Prize... and passed away. Truly an inspirational man, he will be missed. While his journal remarks have been seen as controversial, there is no denying his skill with the pen. Maybe that's what got him into Harvard, or into the ear of so many presidents. Maybe that's why he lived to 100. And maybe his writing prowess is something we can all learn from in this age of TikTok and Gen Z ghettoization of the English language, with phrases like "no cap" and "sheesh that puh' bussin frfr". Maybe it's time we put down the phones, and look to our elders, to those that came before us, those pallbearers of freedom like Henry Kissinger. They show us what's truly worth fighting for: our own dreams.
Bernadette Brewster, Kalkaska Chronicle
