Nicholas Payton as he appears in "BAM: Manko Kudasai!"
The following is a leaked transcript of the new Jazz-inspired anime series "BAM: Manko Kudasai!", set to release in early 2024. INT. JAZZ CLUB - DAY 4 young Japanese students, late teens to early 20s, are playing Jazz on the bandstand. Zoom in on Tadeshi Chinjirokawa, alto saxophonist. Tadeshi (inner monologue): This is it. The moment I've been waiting for, I'm finally a real Jazz musician. All my training at Berklee Online has paid off. Behind Tadeshi is the rhythm section, Hikarusan Karatedojo, 20 year old bassist, Chinjiro Tadeshikawa, 19, on drums, and 17 year old Hirukiramaramadamachan Kawaii, named after the piano she plays. The quartet finishes On Green Dolphin Street. Tadeshi smiles and introduces the group. The room is strangely quiet. Not a soul applauds. Tadeshi: Ehh!!? From the back of the club, 4 shadowy figures approach, audience members scramble out of the way, gasping in fear. Chinjiro: That's... that's... it can't be... Zoom in on main shadowy figure. He steps into the light, smirking beneath his fedora. Figure: You call that BAM? Chinjiro: ...Nicholas Payton!! And... and... the SFJazz Collective! Tedashi (gulping before bowing): Nicholas-San! It... it is an honor! Chinjiro: Tedashi, no! Nicholas Payton is a great Jazz musician, but he's ruthless! He created the SFJazz collective to unite the most elitist Jazz musicians and vibe young artists into oblivion!! If you let him on stage he'll- Before Chinjiro can finish, Payton is on the stage, towering over Tedashi. Payton (whispering to Tedashi): This is my gig now, but I'll let you play if you can keep up with me. Tedashi (looks Nicholas in the eye, nervous, before breaking into a smirk of his own. Chinjiro might be nervous, but Tedashi is our hot-headed protagonist, he'll never back down): You bet! Payton replaces Tedashi's quartet with the SFJazz Collective, and calls Donna Lee. Tedashi (inner monologue): Heh, Donna Lee, easy, I'll just pull it up in irealpro and... EHH!???! Where's my phone? Tedashi's eyes widen as he sees Nicholas Payton passing his phone to Aaron Parks on the piano. Payton (speaks to Tedashi telepathically, using only eyebrow gestures to communicate): You're screwed kid. Jazz is for Americans only. And just an ethnic sub-group of Americans more specifically, but you Japanese wouldn't even understand that, so I won't bother explaining it to you. Tedashi (growls, before biting down onto his saxophone mouthpiece. He speaks through his teeth): Count it off... Payton smiles, and counts off Donna Lee at 400 BPM. Tedashi plays the melody in perfect harmony with Payton, and soon the solo section is upon him. He starts to solo, but Payton physically gets in front of him to start blasting his own solo. Tedashi (stumbling backwards): Ehh!!? Tedashi (inner monologue): That bastard! But... he's so good. His playing is so sophisticated, how can I stand up to him? Japanese women scream in pleasure as Payton voice leads his way to a perfect solo. Flowers and panties are thrown on stage. Jazz is big in Japan. Tedashi (inner monologue): Even you, Hirukiramamamadamachan?! Payton (looks back at Tedashi, communicating telepathically): You're up, kid. Payton ends his solo on the flat 5, stunning everyone. Then, the world slows to 30 BPM, and Tedashi heads to center stage. Tedashi (inner monologue): This is it. No matter what anyone says. This is my moment. I may not have the changes, but... that doesn't matter. It's just like my hero Emmet Cohen says. Life is best... when improvised! Tedashi (looking out into the audience): I... I... I will be a jazz musician!! The greatest Jazz musician... OF ALL TIME!!!! Tedashi begins to play, and chord changes flash across the screen. Nicholas Payton (inner monologue): What?? But I took away his phone! He isn't using irealpro!! I thought this kid was some Japanese loser, but... but... his ear! It's like he can hear the chord changes before they're even played! Tedashi Chinjirokawa takes 2 choruses, before passing it off to Ed Simon on the piano. Nicholas Payton (walks over to Tedashi): Pretty good, kid. But you haven't proven yourself yet. This audience will love me, instead. It's time to trade. Tedashi steps in front of Payton this time, taking the first 8 bars. As Tedashi finishes, Payton steps up. Payton (inner monologue): It's time for my secret technique. Payton (powers up): ...Altered Dominant Scale!!! The audience gasps. Cut to Tedashi Chinjirokawa's bandmates in the audience. Chinjiro Tedashikawa: That scale... it's been illegal in Japan since Ornette Coleman used it to vibe a Japanese bass player. Hikarusan Karatedojo: What? That's not that bad. Chinjiro: It is. After the jam session, the bassist went home, defeated. He tried to sleep, but couldn't, the sound playing over and over again in his head. After just a week, he killed himself in shame. That's the power of the altered dominant scale... Payton is trying to kill Tedashi!!! Tedashi realizes what Payton is doing, but won't let it get to him. He steps in front of Payton for the B section. Tedashi: I have a secret technique of my own! Negative harmony!! The audience gasps. Payton stumbles backwards. Payton (eyebrow communication): I see you're a fan of Jacob Collier... but you're still a fool. Tritone substitution! Coltrane changes! Payton superimposes Giant Steps harmony on top of Donna Lee, but can only get 4 bars in before Tedashi cuts in, harmonizing perfectly and forcing the rhythm section to modulate to 13/8. Payton: Ehhh??!?! The pair go back and forth, trading 4s, then 2s, then 1s, until they're playing Giant Steps in 13, double time at 800 BPM, changing keys every chorus in reference to the Fibonacci sequence, as true Jazz artists do. But it's wearing on them. Payton and Tedashi: I... I... can't hold on... my chops... huuurt...!! And that's where the transcript ends. It's unclear which player will break first, or if anyone will kill themselves in shame. But one thing is true, Jazz is back in the mainstream, baby. At least so long as the real Nicholas Payton doesn't sue for defamation of character.
Bernadette Brewster, Kalkaska Chronicle
