Jesus Christ, Son of God, early reader of The Kalkaska Chronicle
27 AD, Galilee - Local carpenter Jesus was spotted reading The Kalkaska Chronicle on a park bench outside the Nazareth public library. Jesus seemed to be having a bad day, but began to smile as he read our newspaper. "You wrote this?" He said. We nodded. "Why, why, this is the greatest text I've ever come across! Where do you get your ideas?" "We just report the truth, Jesus." Jesus set the newspaper on his lap, careful not to tear any of the pages. "I have never, I mean never, come across a newspaper as well-written and pro-American as yours. Where did you say you come from?" "We're from a town called Kalkaska, Jesus." Jesus sat and scratched his chin. "Kalkaska," The son of God mused over the word. "It has a beautiful sound to it. And your newspaper, the words are like the song of a thousand cherubs dancing in the heavens. Everything here is true. Never before have I felt such inspiration, I must preach this feeling to the world!" A small child came along, and Jesus stood up, handing the print version of our newspaper to him. "You, young boy, take this! The Kalkaska Chronicle is for the children!" The boy took the paper and smiled, unable to read. "Thank you so much," said Jesus, "I was having such a bad day, but your newspaper saved me. Without it, I could have ended up like Muhammad, or some other Middle Eastern savage that seeks only to destroy and force their beliefs on others." We simply smiled, knowing we had saved Jesus Christ, and set history on a righteous path. Go now Jesus, tell the people the word of God, in all its beauty. Jesus took off down the road, inspired by the greatest writers of all time: the editors at The Kalkaska Chronicle. Suddenly, we realized we had one more question for Jesus. "Wait! Jesus! What is your ethnicity!?" "I'm white!" he smiled, waving, setting the record straight so people won't have to ask in the future. That's our Jesus. "Long live Kalkaska!" - Jesus Christ
Bernadette Brewster, Kalkaska Chronicle
