Noel's controversial message to the Palestinian people
Internet personality Noel Miller began an international stand up tour this month, his most recent stop being the south Gaza strip. Miller had intended to make the performance a charity event for refugees, donating his time for free. But the real effects of his show were much worse, after Miller struggled to get a laugh for 90 minutes. Massive unrest followed his performance, and thousands of Gazans began to migrate north, back into the warzone they had just fled. "I'd rather be hit by an actual bomb than have to listen to that shit again" - Belal Kwarazma, 42, who attended Miller's show. Make-A-Wish had entered the Gaza strip around the same time, hoping to help some needy children. Food, water, a healthy, happy home, these were all on the table. But Gazan children had only one wish. "Please make him stop doing stand up" was the unifying cry. "Please kill Noel Miller" begged one crying child. Hamas has surprisingly not called for Miller's death, but instead attempted to negotiate with the star to perform in Israel. "Noel Miller will drive the Jew to suicide. October 7th will look like nothing." - Hamas leadership, who will fund Miller's next special in Tel-Aviv. "He just makes trite observations and smirks at his own jokes to look cool, that's not comedy! Don't bring him into my country!" - Yaron Fineman, Israeli settler returning to Brooklyn to escape Noel and listen to actual standup comedy. While Israeli leadership was initially supportive of Noel, the thought that he may cross the border and attempt to look cool on stage as a pass for comedy in Israel worried senior officials. They then ordered mass shelling of Gaza, in hopes that they would neutralize this new boring threat before he could come to Israel. We can only hope.
Patricia MacNally, Kalkaska Chronicle
