Mike Johnson announced the aid package early this morning
Congress passed a nearly $15 Billion military aid package to be sent to Israel this month. And it has one striking condition. Historically, conditioning aid has given the US leverage in the region. Bush Sr., Carter, and Reagan were all able to advance peace in the region by threatening to withhold funds. The US has not pursued this tactic in 30 years, but mass disapproval from the public has finally changed things. Speaker of the House Mike Johnson spoke,"Alright, alright everyone, we've heard your pleas, and you're right. The US will condition aid to Israel. Our $14.6 Billion military aid package, coming with state of the art fighter jets, heat seaking missiles, and an H bomb, will only be available to the IDF, if and only if... they do whatever the hell they want with it." The Speaker went on. "We will pursue a ruthless policy of capitulation to each and every one of Israel's demands. And we will stand strong in our resolve on that matter. Israel will not be able to set the terms of this aid, unless of course, they really want to. It's out of our hands at that point." The aid package was popular with the American public, as well. A crowd of American citizens applauded the Speaker, with shouts of "Yalla!" and "Mazel Tov!" in a thick Bostonian accent, we were told to report. "Israel requested $10 Billion, and we had the courage to stand up and only give them $15 Billion. And then a warning $2 Billion to let them know we mean business."
Alberta Pishkov, Kalkaska Chronicle
