Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli PM and known gangbanger
Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu met with UN officials last night to discuss the situation in Gaza. The meeting came late, after all communications and security footage had been cut from the territory. The Prime Minister stood in his office and extended his hand, smiling. A UN officer shook it. "Mr. Netanyahu, thank you for accepting our meeting, we want to commend you for taking steps towards peace an- hold on. Is that a gun in your pants?" The PM stood before the UN in a white tank top and jeans, the linings of a pair of plaid boxers showing. Also visible was the angular outline of a Colt .45 Magnum Revolver, positioned in the center of the PM's pants, just above the groin, bulging through the tight denim. Netanyahu wheezed. "Wha-at? Haha, you must be drunk" he said, his breath stinking of alcohol. "There is no gun here, you think I am crazy? What would I do with a gun anyways? Kill my numerous enemies? What a crazy idea! Hahaha". A junior UN official exclaimed. "Look, I can see the handle!" "No, that's my cock. It's a prosthetic, I didn't kill anybody with my gun, I mean I don't have a gun!" replied Netanyahu, thinking quickly on his feet. "Look, we have have no reason to suspect you've done anything wrong. We're just checking in on you. We can leave if you wish." Said the senior officer. "Yes, that's good. You should. Let me call Isaac to escort you out." As Netanyahu bent over to reach for the phone, a loud BANG! shook the room, and the PM grimaced, clutching his groin as he fell to one knee. "G-uUH..! ...FUCK." The senior officer rushed to his side. "Mr. Prime Minister, are you alright?! I heard you shoot yourself in the dick!" Netanyahu swatted him away with his free arm. "No no, that was just fireworks, they're celebrating the 4th of July outside." "What? We're not in America, and it's November!" Exclaimed the UN officer. "Umm, it was Hamas then... Celebrating November 3rd." Blood began to stream out of Netanyahu's pants, cascading out onto the floor. "Oh my God! You're bleeding! Please, Mr. PM, we have to address the wound." "I never used my gun!" shouted Netanyahu. "Sir, just tell the truth!" Said an Israeli aide. "The UN would never go against Israel in any meaningful way! It's okay!" "Okay, fine, yes." Admitted the PM, turning to rest his back on the front of his desk as he sat clutching his ballsack. "I used my gun. But only on some Hamas guys that were trying to rob me. It was like 3, 4 people tops, nowhere near 8,000. And they shot first. In fact, I never even shot at all. It only fires blanks." He motioned to the gun. "Hold on. Mr. Gomberg, there's like 25 dead people back here," said a junior officer, opening the door to a closet. "What??" Replied senior officer Gomberg. "Yeah, they've all got bullet holes between their legs. Looks fresh too." The senior officer turned to Netanyahu, now slumped down onto the floor. "Mister Prime Minister! You have some explaining to do!" The PM winced. "Why is everyone shooting themselves in the dick in your office?! " Checkmate. At least, the UN had checkmated itself. As Netanyahu lay there, dying in a pool of his own blood, he smiled. They never suspected a thing. This was victory.
Archie Sieting, Kalkaska Chronicle
