Jonathan Liu, 27, after being detained by police
Jonathan Liu, 27, of Minneapolis, has been found guilty of sedition against the Washington state government this weekend, following his attempt to storm the Washington state house last January during the capitol protests. Mr. Liu, 黑鬼 (Chinese name), a recent immigrant from Taiwan, had been informed of many Americans intents to storm the capitol building in Washington, D.C. through far-right message boards he frequented in the days leading up to the protests. Still not completely proficient in the English language or American geography, Mr. Liu booked a ticket with United Airlines Flight 175 en route to Olympia, Washington, in an attempt to support the movement to contest the U.S Presidential election. Upon arrival, Mr. Liu immediately purchased an M4 carbine rifle and 6 grenades at a local Walmart, before taking public transit to the capitol building. Once on the capitol steps, Mr. Liu began to chant “ALLU RIVES MATTERU!”, and many expletives we have chosen to withhold from this article for the sake of decency. After about 30 seconds of marching, Mr. Liu reached the front door to the capitol, and, after taking off his shoes, entered the building, ready to take back the presidency for Donald Trump. He was quickly subdued by a pair of Nigerian and Croatian security guards. Unfamiliar with firearm technology, Mr. Liu had forgotten to buy bullets. One of the security guards, Francis Ngannou, recalled being shocked at Mr. Liu’s entrance, but upon realizing he was not a serious threat, detained him with the help of his colleague, Stipe. Mr. Liu’s parole officer has said he will be deported back to Wuhan next week. Mr. Liu was not available for comment.
Bernice Brewer, Kalkaska Chronicle
